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If you want to avoid much of the emotional intensity of family life then you’ll need to understand the difference between tasks, problems, and conflict.
Tasks are the normal things you do each day. You get kids out of bed, make sure they’re dressed, provide breakfast, check that they have all the things they’ll need for the day, and get out the door. Then you’ll stop by the drug store to pick up the prescription and drop by the library to return the books on your way home. Tasks are the to-do list of a parent. They are work but they are expected. It’s part of the job.
The business side of a family requires that food be purchased, prepared, eaten, put away, and all cleaned up. Clothes need to get washed, put in drawers, and then back on people. Driving to various appointments, tidying up rooms in the house, and fixing things that are broken are all part of the business of family life. Every task between the time you get up in the morning until the time you go to bed at night requires effort. It’s work. Those aren’t problems. They’re just tasks that need to get done.
Furthermore, training children is a task, not a problem. The difference has to do with your expectations. If you’re surprised by your son’s resistance to instructions, then you’re liable to view it as a personal attack and escalate to conflict. But the reality is that your son’s resistance is an indication of a character weakness. Part of your job as a parent is to train your child. Develop a plan to challenge the poor character in your son and you now can approach the task of raising him using a calm, but firm approach. It’s just another one of the tasks of your job as a parent.
Problems are different. They’re obstacles that get in the way of your goals. Your son is playing with his video game when he should be getting dressed. You can’t find the prescription you need and you’re missing a library book. Your daughter’s homework isn’t in her backpack again and she can’t find her other shoe.
It’s not usually the tasks that create the tension in family life. It’s the problems that get in worst xbox 360 the way. game list At that moment, you as a parent have to make an important decision. Are you going to move the problems down to tasks or are you going to escalate them to conflict.
Rule #1: Don’t turn problems into conflict. Instead look for ways to turn problems into additional tasks by developing a plan to solve them. If more families would view problems as tasks instead of moving to conflict, then greater unity and more productivity would result. Unfortunately, many children and parents view problems and conflict as the same thing so most of the tasks of family life evolve into a battle. You’ll know that a problem is making an attempt to escalate into a conflict when you hear things like a hurtful sarcastic remark or an angry tone, or you see a disgusted look or a bad attitude, or simply see the intensity increasing between two or more people in a family.
Conflict happens when problems are met with emotional intensity. Mom yells at her son because he’s playing with the video game and rolls her eyes at her daughter and then sticks her neck out and points her finger as she angrily commands her daughter to look for her shoe and her homework. Mom has just raised worst xbox 360 game ever list the family threat level to red by turning the morning routine into an emotional experience.
Mom feels like she’s stuck in a common pattern. This isn’t a one-time problem. This seems to happen every morning. Furthermore, the problem isn’t limited to mornings. Things seem to get out of hand on a regular basis around her home. Mom doesn’t like the fact that she gets angry but she feels like that’s the only way to get her kids moving sometimes.
Part of the solution for Mom is to change the way she faces her day. If she’d move problems down to tasks instead of escalating them to conflict then she’d be much more at peace and she’d reduce the tension her family experiences.
Compare two families responding to problems in their morning routine. With family #1 problems are a recipe for disaster with yelling, dramatics, and tension flying around the room faster than anyone can manage. With family #2 parents and children work to find solutions to problems, minimizing the conflict as they proceed through the morning. The difference is a family that is committed to solving problems and reducing them to tasks instead of allowing them to escalate to conflict.
But what do you do when children escalate problems into conflict? In that moment it’s important for you, as the parent, to be on guard because you don’t have to follow that same path. worst When kids xbox 360 generate game list conflict it’s important for parents to recognize the problem and move it down to a task. If a child persists and refuses to work on the problem without emotion, it’s best for the child to settle down. Rarely is it productive to try to move forward to solve problems when emotional intensity is high.
One of the greatest thieves of family closeness is allowing problems to move into conflict instead of keeping them as worst xbox tasks. 360 When game list a family works together to solve problems they have a positive sense of accomplishment. On the other hand, conflict polarizes family members causing them to feel like opponents instead of teammates. Ephesians 4:2-3 says, Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Your family can experience closeness together. That will happen as a result of intentional work in a number of areas but one of the most important ones has to do with your ability to turn problems into tasks.